dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My life is pants optional.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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