you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
