Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
