come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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