Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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