never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
