Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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