dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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