I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I supernannyed him into submission
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
