My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
