That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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