They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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