Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
