My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
