so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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