some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
