That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
