TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
