Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
