i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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