Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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