the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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