Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i've created a new STD.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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