Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
