The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
