I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
