I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
