You really coming over, don't trick.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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