shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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