what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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