Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
