My first STD was from a foam party
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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