she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize