Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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