I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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