we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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