I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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