Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
