I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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