return my video game
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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