I've blown a few things in my day
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
