i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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