guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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