I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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