i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
