haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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