A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So vagazzling was a success
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
