i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
