she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
