lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
