Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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