the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
