wake up i wanna do it froggy style
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
