I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
