everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize