So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
