I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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