just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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