i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
