party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
