This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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