We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
